#9 - What is the Blessing?
What is the Blessing?
Join Andrew & Sammy as they open up about their faith as Unificationists and the significance of the Blessing in that.
Intro to the topic of the Blessing
Why does the blessing matter to High Noon?
What does it mean to be a “radiant Blessed couple”?
What is the Blessing?
Sammy’s Blessing process and ceremony
How is the Blessing different from getting married?
Andrew’s Blessing experience
The most recent Blessing in Korea
Can you go to the Blessing even after you’re married?
Where does the Blessing come from?
What does it mean to be blessed?
What are the practical effects of the Blessing?
How does God directly relate to the Blessing?
How commitment to the Blessing strengthens your marriage
What’s the difference between “being in love” and “making love”?
What is the matching process?
Episode Transcript:
Andrew Love
Hello, welcome back. It's Andrew Love here. And today is going to be a very interesting episode. It's about the Blessing Ceremony. And if you're part of the Family Federation movement, then you already know about this. But this episode, then, can clarify some very common misunderstandings about the Blessing. And if you have no idea what I'm talking about, then prepare an extra pair of socks because your socks are gonna get blown off. Your feet might get cold, so just have an extra pair just in case. We thank you for listening. As always, if you have any questions, reach out to us as always, and we can be found at highnoon.org. And, as always, be well. Talk to you soon.
Sammy Uyama
Welcome everybody to another episode of Love, Life and Legacy. It's your hosts, Samuel Uyama and Andrew Love. We're here for a very special episode with you to share something that's near and dear to both of our hearts that we don't get an opportunity to share about very often with such diverse audience. And so that's what we're going to cover with you guys today, about the Blessing in what that means. What's that vernacular and how it differs from marriage. And why we think it's such a significant thing and something that we emphasize and put so much effort on as a focus of our work. How are you today, Mr. Love?
Andrew Love
Oh, so when I introduce us, I let you say your own name, Sammy. You didn't let me say my own name. Why can't I say my own name, Sammy? Why do you say my name?
Sammy Uyama
Yeah. And it's actually very specifically because I feel it's so difficult to get the timing right for us to be able to say our names at the right moment. So I just figured I would save us that heart, that dropping of the heart of whether we're actually connected and just cover both of our bases for us.
Andrew Love
Fine, fine, fine. Control Freak. Just kidding. Today, we will definitely be talking about something important. And something that's pretty much most people outside of our own little bubble don't know about, or they just know the meme about it. They, that most people have no idea what the essence of this thing is. And that is the blessing, which is a ceremony but it's also a way of life. And it really matters to us at High Noon, because everybody on staff is blessed. But also, because it's a part of our mission statement about who what we're trying to accomplish here because we're not just trying to stop people from watching porn. That's not a very good goal because then porn still exists. We want to create a society where porn is so utterly irrelevant that it just fades away and curls up like a little witch that had water put on it? Her, I guess there. She's. And so that is by having such fulfilled relationships that you wouldn't even dare to think of anything else. Like if when your mind is totally focused on something, you're consumed by it, and when your heart is totally consumed by somebody, then you don't need anything else. And so that's what we're striving for. But Sammy, do you have the quote on hand because I'd love to read what, what that is, you know, a radiant blessed couple.
Sammy Uyama
Absolutely. I have that quote on hand for you, Mr. Love. May I have the honors?
Andrew Love
Yes. Well, Sammy was just pointing out, I'm in an echoey room. We could try to change that or we could just deal with the fact that I'm in an echoey room. So let's just move on.
Sammy Uyama
Yes. I hope that all of our listeners, all you ladies and gentlemen, you can cut us some slack for this episode. Andrew is in Malaysia right now. And it's, it's pretty amazing that we can connect this way and record this episode for you. So he did the best he could finding a good quiet space. And that good quiet space happened to be quiet, I guess, because there's absolutely nothing in it. Moving on. Are you ready for what is a radiant blessed couple?
Andrew Love
Yes, yes, I am. Are you asking me?
Sammy Uyama
I'm, yeah, I'm waiting for someone to call in and to let us know that they're ready. So this is something we we labored on for many hours because it was at the heart of what we wanted to do and the focus of our work. And so we put a lot of love into this and it's something that inspires us to no end. So a radiant blessed couple is one that is dynamic, deeply bonded through love and care, tremendously intimate, emotionally, physically and sexually. They live to satisfy each other's needs and desires. The man is committed to the woman becoming her best self. And the woman is committed to the man becoming his best self. Together, they blossom as a true man and true woman. Full and not needing. they are givers. Standing before them feels like standing before God. Beautifully unique, their relationship glows and their family radiates with love. All people want what they have. Heaven is created wherever they go and through whatever they do. Can I get a wow, Andrew on that?
Andrew Love
I'm in. I'm in. I'm sold. I'm sold. I want it. I want it. And so yeah, wow, a big wow and a big. That's what we're all about here. We're trying our best to find as many ways as possible, as many shovels as possible to create as many roads as possible to this vision that we've just mentioned, which is radiant blessed couple. And so in order for that to make sense, we have to talk about what is The Blessing because it is very unique and it's different than marriage. It's kind of like marriage on organic steroids. If there is a good version of steroids. That's not steroids, it would be that kind of like a superhuman version of a marriage. And so let's first talk about the ceremony because that's extremely different.
Sammy Uyama
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Love
Sammy, waht was the the setting of your blessing?
Sammy Uyama
Right? Yeah. So I get... The blessing. There's like the the technicalities of how it's different but then there's like the heart behind that. And that's actually the really moving thing and what we want to emphasize, but first we'll get, we'll paint the picture; that what we want to do?
Andrew Love
Yeah, I want people to know what is... there's the ceremony and then there's the life. So let's start with the ceremony.
Sammy Uyama
Right? So my blessing... is that we want to talk about or The Blessing?
Andrew Love
Your blessing. Yeah, my so my blessing. I, you know, growing up, I was in America at the time, and I flew to Korea, where we had the blessing. And we do, there's two separate parts, there's a matching and there's a blessing. And so how people end up in a matching, which is like, you know, basically you become engaged to someone. And there's a whole variety of different ways how people come across that. And so for myself, it happened to be that I was matched to my wife and I, we're matched to each other by our church's founder, Reverend Moon. And we had some time to get to know each other, introduce ourselves and then decide whether we wanted to commit to this relationship. And so then we both agreed, yes, and a few days later, we, were... had a Blessing ceremony, which was just in a big room that... plastic chairs set up and there's maybe 200 couples or so at the time getting blessed, and then all of their families. So, you know, a moderate, small, a few thousand people together in a big room. And the ceremony happens and it's just, it can be quite a surreal thing to to witness. There's just, you know, if it's 20 couples, we have 400 people, half of them wearing their, their tuxedo, their suit, half of them wearing wedding dresses. And all the women, they spend, they stay up all night doing their hair and makeup. And it's, that's, I guess, the short of what it looked like for me. Is that kind of what you had in mind, Andrew? Yeah, I mean, it's, it's, you get married in the Blessing with a bunch of other people typically. Now there's some people that do it locally, and there's maybe just them though they're the only couple, but they typically will do it together via broadcasts with thousands of other people around the world. And this is really shocking to a lot of people at first because it's the exact inverse of society, which is you spend $50,000 to have, you know, 1,000 or 2,000, or however many people at your wedding and it's all about you celebrating you, you, you, you. Whereas this scenario is you are with thousands of other couples and it's not just about you, you you, it's about we, we, we. And some people are skeezed out by that because they're like it ruins, it ruins the moment. It's not just about us. And I think in many ways, that's a really good start, because you realize that it's not just about you, because there is no just you. Obviously, as a couple, you're getting married and that's your special thing that you're creating. And that's the beginning point and it's great to have other people support you. But at the same time to do it? Like I was in New York at the time. I was in Manhattan, I did it with maybe 50 other couples. And then we did it together with thousands of other couples in Korea and around the world. And to me, it was like we're all in this together. And so the ceremony itself, just on the outset, is like, it's always good for pictures. And the media always picks up the ceremony and says, look at these weirdos. Because it's so different and apparently different means weird, and weird means bad to a lot of people. But it's actually so much, to me, a much better approach from, just from that perspective, because a) it costs, I think my fee was like two grand for... I had a... my family was there. We all had an amazing banquet. We had... there's dancing. Plus, it was like the most... imagine how happy one couple is when they're getting married. Now, amplify that by 50 or 100, or when we have stadium blessings, say 1,000 or 2,000 couples; how excited everybody is to be doing this together. It's really, it's an, it's a totally different energy than you could ever experience. Did you experience that kind of excitement and enthusiasm at yours, Sammy?
Sammy Uyama
Gosh, I honestly can't say too much about mine. It was 10 years ago, and it was such a blur. So, but what I can speak to is... funny timing on us recording this episode. It's Tuesday, February 11th. So it gives you an idea of how long... the timeline between when we record these and whenever it gets published. I have no idea. But just this past weekend, on Friday, February 7th, we just had the big Blessing ceremony here in Korea. And it was in a stadium. And there was, I don't know, how many a few thousand couples getting blessed. Exactly what, Andrew, you're just describing about. And those, those are the couples. And then there's an additional 20,000 people or so just observing and there to celebrate and participate in the festivities. And the energy there was electric. It's really remarkable. It's one of the best things that happens each year is so many people coming together for a singular purpose that is so like, inspiring and hopeful and that everyone's really into. And that's, you know, knowing that a lot of people, they've prepared really diligently their whole lives as a single person, and they're finally making this transition into a couple. And it's just, it's just filled with just, it's a really significant event for people. It's like, the difference between doing something small scale, versus it's such this giant thing. It's such a huge statement that yeah we came, you know, we came here and we did our work, you know, and we really prepared well. And so us two people who are coming together as a couple and really launching forward. It's, it's, it's not the ending, but it's a really a beginning point for a new chapter in people's lives. And it's just such a, it's a great thing to be, to be a part of.
Andrew Love
And also, so that brings something up, too, because there are also couples there at blessings that, that have already been married. And this is one that, one of the key differentiators is that you can be married and go to The Blessing. And it's like a re-dedication ceremony. And what happens there is you take it from, you know, everybody goes into marriage with different motivations, different reasons. But when you are agreeing, essentially you're agreeing until death do us part, which now isn't really taken seriously because it's, you know, one hand crossed with the fingers crossed behind your back, and just hoping that works out. And if it doesn't work out, divorce before it was a lot more serious. But now, marriage, it can mean a variety of different things. But when you go to the Blessing, you're doing this specifically for... your couple is committing before all these other people in the stadium with, together with all these other couples, that your marriage, the health of your marriage represents the health of this world. Because the world is made up of individuals, and the, everybody's born from a family or from a couple and the health of that couple really determines the health of that individual. And then they go out into the world and bring the best of themselves or they bring a bunch of baggage. And so it represents committing in front of God, who started this tradition of love, like where did love come from? It's, it's plugging into God, the source of love and then committing in front of all these people and in front of your spouse and in front of their family and friends and all that. That you will take the this marriage as serious as the health of the world and, and it's kind of like a serious thing, but it's also joyful. And so because of that, you get this, you get this mix of idealism because you're talking about world level, cosmic level stuff, that, that the whole purpose of the cosmos is because of love. And that this marriage represents the formation of two people starting to love together. And if they're committed, then all possibilities lie in that marriage, but then you also have this kind of steadfast seriousness and some people who know that, you know, marriage is filled with ups and downs, obviously, there's a lot of lovey dovey stuff, but there's a lot of fighting. And if you look at statistics, you know, there's a lot of divorce out there. So people are also coming in with that awareness but with a determination to make this count because it's not just about them. It's about the people that they bring into this world through having babies. But it's also about their couple if they radiate, which is goes back to the, the thing that Sammy just read, our vision, if they have a couple that radiates, it's like they give out. They exude love, and they empower this world. They give out energy. They give out, like an abundance of all good things to this world. And that happens when you really learn how to generate love, become generators of love, instead of just hoping that love works out and like treating it haphazardly. So embedded in the Blessing is the understanding that love is not just, it doesn't just happen, but it's created. And it's, it takes work. But that's, that's the work of the Blessing. So you have this education prior to even going to the Blessing so that you have a, that you're going into with a sober mind. And not everybody does it, okay? There are people that do cut corners. So definitely not every Blessing is perfect, but the intention and everything is really set up clearly for you to step up to the plate and say, I take this person with my whole heart to, not death do us part because we don't believe that. And the Blessing is about eternally blessed that you are going to be with this person eternally. And that you're going to work out all, you know, iron out any, any creases, and that you're going to treat this person like your king or queen for eternity. And that's gangster, it's really gangster. When people get it, it's gangster, if they don't get it, it's weird.
Sammy Uyama
So that's, that's, I love it. Just the different context for a relationship and its place in the world. It's really beyond just these two people and their lives. But that there's a ripple effect and the connection that's inherently there between all of humanity and the contribution that couple's able to make to that. So I'm wondering, where did this, where does this come from, like this Blessing? It, just, where did it appear from? And when did it, at which, in which way, and went forth? And just how did it come to exist? Yeah, well, maybe we can share a little bit about that.
Andrew Love
Yeah. Well, the religious, I mean, it's essentially a religious ceremony, because it has invisible implications, right. So when you deal with the invisible realm, I mean, which, love is essentially invisible. But it talks about, back in 1960, the first Blessing was held and the, what we call the True Parents, Reverend and Mrs. Moon, were in charge of making that happen. And it was like how do you take human beings who are clearly in a state of discord with themselves, fighting with our own minds, fighting with each other constantly at war; how do you take them and bring them back to our original state, which is peace? Like, you can clearly tell that humans are meant to, they're designed to live in a peaceful state. Because when you're not in that state, everything starts to break down mentally, physically, emotionally start to break down when there's when there's discord. So how do you bring people back into the state that they were meant to be? You can't just wave a wand. So this blessing ceremony really came from the truth, the formation of who we called the True Parents, which are the, really the, the, they're not the only true parents. We're all meant to become true parents. That's one thing that people don't understand, that they are just the the first to the finish line. And that finish line is creating marriage centered on God and a family centered on God and a lifestyle on God. And God - not the caricature of God, a man and a beard - but God, the man and woman energy that created the entire cosmos, so that we can vibrate at the same kind of level and appreciate God as our parent and then become God to our children and pass on the tradition of godliness instead of the tradition of dysfunctionality - lying and cheating, hurting and stealing. Like this, this whole thing that we end one tradition, and one way of living, which humanity has been used to and the true parents came to start a new tradition to resurrect this, the way that we were meant to be, to dust off the human beings that we were meant to be. So it started off with just a few couples, and then it grew to more couples and more couples and more couples until it hit a worldwide level in the 70s and 80s. And the 90s they were like you know, they're already stadium Blessings happening. And then now recently in the past, you know, especially the past 10 years, it's really the emphasis of Blessings is less about people who are in the Unificationist faith, and more about letting people from every faith experience the Blessing. And so there's been a really strong push to open up the blessing to all people to for the ceremony and to have a blessed life. This is, I'm trying to summarize like eons worth of content in a short soundbite.
Sammy Uyama
And what I, what I can really appreciate about what you just shared is that a lot of conversations to be had around this topic. There's, there's understandings and beliefs about what is our relationship with God meant to be like. What's, what's humanity's position in the universe, and there's a lot of things that get that just got touched on what you said. And so there's like, each of those is like a topic in itself and Then you get to the point like okay, yeah, I, I agree with that. And then Okay, I agree with that. And then, then you can kind of get to the point of oh, yeah, this blessing makes sense then. So he did a really hard job in a very short amount of time.
Andrew Love
Well, there's a lot, there's a lot there because there's, you know, there's a lot of misinformation. There's a lot of lore and a lot of confusion, you know, from within those who have been blessed, and from those who are just getting to know it. But like, I've been through it, I went from my whole life, I knew nothing about it. And then I was introduced to it and then I went through it. And I can really see that this blessing can be whatever you want it to be. And if you want it to be your, your way to a family that is exactly the family of your dreams, then that's absolutely up for grabs if you're willing to do the work. But that's, that's one, one delineation I'd like to, to make is that the blessing ceremony is not a fix all. And some people really treat it like that. They say, oh, if I go to this, because it's this religious ceremony because it's got God and you're committing and there's, you know, some mystical stuff that happens for some people and blah, blah, blah; then it's, then it's that, that's it. And I always, that's like you said, Sammy, that's not the, that's not the finish line. That's the starting line. And that's when you, your journey as a blessed couple begins and creating a blessed family. And that's when the rubber hits the road. And part of the blessing, too, is like, what, what being in a marriage does is it, it brings everything up to the surface. Stuff that you didn't even know you had inside you because you're just constantly grinding it out with this person, for better for worse, and you can see how, like, in my blessing, I've seen the best of myself, and how I can be an incredibly giving person even when I think most people would quit. But I also see that I'm an incredibly judgmental person that, that can really criticize my wife way too much and make her feel bad. So it's like, you're committing with the Blessing to live a life committed to the fact that your family represents the entire world and beyond even the cosmos, and that you can't expect world peace to exist if your family's at war. And, and that, you know, the kingdom of heaven starts within the family. That's like, that's a huge concept that I think, you know, I'd rather discuss because it's very practical. Because if we get into the theological stuff, I think it'd be very easy to get lost in the weeds. But like, how do you see it? How do you, what's the practical way that you live out the blessing, Sammy. For somebody who doesn't know what the blessing is, like, how does being blessed rather than married - how does that play out on the day to day in your life?
Sammy Uyama
Hmm. Yeah, that's a great question. And so I think when, one thing that I love, what you just said, and because we just kind of hyped up this amazing event that happens in person's life, and then people might be wondering, okay, then what happens after that. And, and what happens the next day is that you go back to your everyday normal life and things are exactly how they were before. And you just have a relationship with someone at this point, and you have a ring on your finger. And you deal with the same issues that come up in any form of relationships. So in all regards, it's looks like and can be treated as a marriage. So in the day to day sense, it's really easy to, to kind of get swept up into the practicalities of life. And so for us, I mean, so that's when all those things become very useful, too. Like best practices for how to invest in your relationship and your marriage and make each year better than it was to the one prior. And so like, it's how I keep the, the, the hope, right and then and then that spark of inspiration of what the Blessing represents. How we keep that alive and my wife and I's relationship is that I, and I guess it's connected to why I was even interested in being, getting blessed from the beginning; is that I was inspired and I am inspired by what the Blessing represents. And everything that you just shared on, Andrew, about the Blessing being more than just about relationship between, between two individuals. But that blessing is kind of the manifestation. It's a, it's the fruition of and the natural progression of a man and a woman's growth process is that they go through this period of growth and development in their life in preparation, and then they begin this relationship with someone and this is the, the like, the manifestation of representing God physically and becoming a godly person. And that's as a man representing the masculine nature of God and the woman representing the feminine nature of God. And these two forces coming together. And it really uplifts, the, the position of like, what the value that human beings hold. It's not, and then the relationship that that we have with God, it's not like a master-servant kind of relationship that a lot of people have this concept of. But that we're actually co-creators with God and that we, we play this really important role in the universe, and that the Blessing can connect is what connects us to that. So that was really inspiring for me, it, if anything made me feel more important about the, the role I played in the world.
Andrew Love
Absolutely. Well, it seems like you know, each couple is embodying God. I mean, the real goal and it sounds lofty, and for some people, it sounds heretical. But if you really think about it, you know, one of the main struggles for agnostics or atheists is, you know, the fact that God is intangible. And one thing that we are striving for is to make God real in us and that God's gonna manifest in different ways. And one distinction, you know, really, especially in recent years in our movement, it's like, we started calling God heavenly parent. Because God doesn't have a penis. God is like dual, both men and woman. Like, how could you say that God is a man and we are used to saying he, God, is beyond time and space, so that would probably mean beyond gender. But not that God is just this slug. This, I forgot what it's called... hermaphrodite, I think, not like that, but that God is the harmonious balance of both sides of the coin. And that we are created in a way where we start off as one individual, either man or woman, and then come together with the other person to form a singular entity. And that happens when when harmony happens. There's, there's no distinction between you and your spouse. It really is you think as one, you, you... their pain becomes your pain. Their love becomes your love. You really feel them and you become one, but it takes a lot of effort. And when you're in that state, you absolutely become God to your children for a while, but you're exemplifying the virtues that God that, that clearly humans are meant to have, which is, you know, giving, loving, serving. We're in that state. We are the actual embodiment of God. That's not to say we are God but we're the representation. Like it's not like God just wants to sit up and control us from above. Because, though yeah, God would have just made a universe filled with robots. Instead, it's that we're working together with our ideals to form a love that wouldn't otherwise exist. And I just wanted to say quickly, uh, two weeks ago, I had probably one of the worst weeks I've had in a really, really long time. And our family we were meant to fly together to Malaysia where we now are and our plane got canceled. Then all three of our kids got sick, really high fevers, two times each in one week. Like when we thought it was all over and, phew, we caught our breath - the fever came back. And in that moment, I was just a total wreck. It was, the worst of me showed up and I started fighting with my wife. And when we were fighting, I said something that I don't necessarily regret, but I'm not proud of. And I said that if it weren't for the Blessing, I don't know if I could survive our marriage, right? I just felt like, I'm so committed to even when, when I just can't stand my circumstances, I'm still committed to making them work. And after that moment, it took another two weeks before we really patched things up. And then we really, now I feel closer to her than ever. But I just wanted to bring that up, because it's like, it's my commitment, your commitment to the Blessing and what it represents needs to transcend even the individual that you're blessed to. Because I'm committed to making our marriage, which is the entity of both my wife and I, work, even when I don't understand my wife and I just want to like punch my face because I don't understand, like, what are you talking about? It's not about her, it's about us. And it's about the health of our marriage and what that represents for our children and for this world. So in that it's very lofty, but it's also extremely practical that, that got us through a really dark night of the soul. That was like one of the worst weeks we've had in our marriage. And it got us through that week, because I realized that this week's gonna end; this difficult time is going to end; and I'm going to be left with how I acted during this week. So I just wanted to bring that up, because it's, it's like, sometimes the Blessing and what it represents seems so big, but it can be used in a very practical way. Does that make sense?
Sammy Uyama
Yeah. And you actually just emphasized the point I wanted to make myself, was that your question was, what do we do day to day to bring the Blessing live up in our lives. And, you know, actually, honestly, day to day, it's pretty normal and without like, well you just emphasize, and what I wanted to say was that I get annoyed at my wife and for her like leaving clothes on the floor in the living room and all this particular stuff that I'm picky about and is nagging her. And those things happen. So you know, being blessed doesn't mean immunize yourself from you know, being kind of a dickhead sometimes and just being you know, being self-centered and, you know, just wanting, demanding things, that thing, demanding that things always go your way. But that's the thing to all that, like, well, you're just setting for me, that what I always go back to, is who this person is for me. You know, it's not just the person that I wanted to be in a relationship with, because, you know, I like how they make me feel or like what they do for me or, you know, what my life becomes, you know. Like, how my life looks because they're in it. But you know, this is the person that I committed to manifesting God with and that she's the person that represents a certain quality of God. And through our relationship now that becomes the, the pool or the whatever you want to call it where God flows. Yeah, and you know, that's what we're striving for.
Andrew Love
Yeah, that's, it's like, I like what you said. I like what you said. And the, the whole thing about doing the work ahead of time, like if you are single, and you want to be in a happy marriage eventually and you want to form the type of family that you are excited to wake up to and hang out with. It really matters how much you work on yourself and becoming a mature giving, loving, selfless person ahead of time, because you will always come into marriage with some sort of baggage. That's just the way the world is. Ideally in the future people won't have so much baggage. There'll be much more giving and loving. But that's what you're coming into. And it's not about coming out of the gates perfect. And this is one huge distinction is that most marriages start out because people are in love and they have a lot of emotions flowing. And then when times get tough, they question it. They question, why did I get married? I thought I knew you. I thought I knew you. But you are not the person I married. You've changed; divorce. And that's, that's the standard. That's what we can kind of expect from especially the western world. Whereas, yes, people are going to when the chemicals wear off and the euphoria starts to dissipate a little bit, and you start to really see this person with sober eyes instead of idolizing them and, and lifting them up to be something that they're not, which is what we do when we're in love with them. Instead of being freaked out by saying, oh my goodness, who is this person? It's a much better thing to realize this is a limitation of yourself that, wait a second, I need to learn how to love the real version of them instead of this make-believe version that I made up in my head that I, that I thought I fell in love with. And that the skill, that if I could summarize this, soliloquy, and very quickly, it's like, the skill of learning how to create love is the greatest skill in the world. Because most people who just fall in love, they fall out of love because they don't know how to make that love happen again. It was circumstantial. It was a random. And that's how most people live their lives. But the Blessing embedded in to its purpose is that you don't just live off of chemicals but that you're committed to creating and recreating, more and more love as the years go on, regardless of your circumstances. And it's not a myth. It's possible, like, well, my wife once had somebody tell her that, like the, the way that most people start out is that it's very hot in the beginning, like in normal culture, that everybody's in love. There's a lot of emotions. Very hot, but then it explodes. And then the people end up very far apart in the end. Whereas in this situation, and the blessing, it's, it's more common that people start out a little bit further away. Not... some people might start in love, but it's inconsequential where you start. It's how much the person has worked on themselves and where you want to go because you will end up there. And if you learn how to love with intention, you'll be definitely in love, like the Wolfenbergers are a great example. They're totally opposite in every way. And they love each other. They really are one in so many ways. Obviously, they still have their unique characteristics and quirks and that. But as a couple, their relationship is so solid, because they have that commitment to the relationship.
Sammy Uyama
Yes, I, I just over the weekend, listened to this seminar on creating a fit marriage. And one of the quotes that the presenter opened up with really resonated with me was that it's not about finding the right person in a relationship. It's about creating love with the person that you're with.
Andrew Love
Hmm, yeah. Yeah. And that's, so there's another quote by somebody somewhere in another workshop. That was like, commitment unlocks all the magic. So it's not that you worry about the love, it's you worry about the commitment and committed to experiencing love to. It's not just about working and grinding and, and being you know, just like marriages work for sure. But the work should also result in joy and in satisfaction. And that but that has to be a metric that you work towards every day because chances are your spouse is not exactly like you. In fact, it would be terrible if they work because you wouldn't grow. They will have different things that they different movies that they like to watch different, you know, small things, but big things, different emotions that they experience when they, when they observe stuff and to learn how to actually care about another person, deeply and consistently. His effort takes effort, because of the way we are, but also especially the way that our culture is, it really challenges us to be selfish. But we're going in the opposite direction with the blessing which is where we're trying to live selflessly. Really serving the other person, and it's really hard. You know, it's really, really hard. But when you do it, and you do it, right, it's like you'll reach a level of love and connection that is not accessible any other way other than that work.
Sammy Uyama
So is that a tradition in the Unificationist faith is this matching process, which is basically engagement period, but it's the process of finding this, this person that you're going to commit this kind of relationship to and then get blessed with, and that has evolved over the years to like, really drastically how that goes about. And so it's one of the things that's our faith would be known for is these doing these mass weddings is one. And then the other would be arranged marriages. And so back in the day, 30, 40, 50 years ago, now, everything was these, these, these matching processes and people were arranged marriages were arranged by, by to Father, by Reverend moon. And that's how the majority of people had their spouse and then people committed to them. And that continued for years and years and years. But then it slowly started to, uh, he kind of stepped back from that role. And, you know, what he said was that the, the original, and the ideal is that it's a family affair, and that parents are the ones that you know, they raise their children. And they're a part of this process of helping their child to transition to the next stage of their life to becoming an independent entity and becoming their own family and getting blessed. And so it's something that parents began to have responsibility over, and then they work together with their children. And so that's kind of like the ideal model. And in reality, it looks many different ways. And so like myself, what I had mentioned earlier, so I was... my wife and I were matched in this kind of arranged marriage. And we're basically the last, were like the last of the old guard. And I think maybe a year later, that process ended entirely. And everything became... up and actually, before that was already introduced. And so it was, it was, at that point already, most people, they were kind of going through these more courting kind of processes where they would get to know someone, they'd spend months talking to each other, and having a very platonic relationship just as an inquiry and getting to know each other and being able to decide whether they wanted to be, to commit to a relationship with one another. And there's different people involved in supporting them and mentoring them and making sure that they were asking each other the right questions and like, what kind of things to look for. And that was very active already. And so my wife and I were one of the last to go through that kind of traditional, traditional process. And nowadays, that's basically, it looks entirely that there's different degrees of young, like single, a single person, how involved the parents are. Some, its parents are just like, you know, let me know, like, we trust that ou'll find someone. And other people, they want their parents to be very involved. And it, so it can, it's across the whole gamut and it's impossible just to describe all the different ways.
Andrew Love
I think the key word is oversight. And that's something that I really, really love about this process because I didn't, my parents are not in the movement. And so, I had what's called a matching advisor, which is just somebody that I could plug into, that could help me look for somebody, they got to know me, and then they became like my agent and they started like, you know, in the Jewish faith, they have matchmakers. So, it was, it was so nice because I had somebody who represented me and was kind of actively looking for somebody for me. But I also I had a bunch of kind of elder figures that were in the position of like an aunt, to me, who during the process, after I had found somebody, were really checking to make sure that I was keeping kind of like the right motivation. Because you can definitely get lost in your own world when you start getting into relationship, just, just making it all about you and your needs and kind of forgetting that this other person was raised by people and had a lot of investment put into them, time and money and love and everything. And you can discount all that just for your wants and your needs, especially when it comes to sexuality that you just, just like, you know, just gotta stay focused. And so oversight was really, really, really helpful. Because I find that when most people are left to their own devices, they just fall in love. And they create this really difficult situation where they let their emotion lead them headfirst into each other. And then when the emotions get confusing or inconsistent, then everything starts to fall apart. Meanwhile, they've never consulted anybody. And it's always just been about them. And I think oh, because it's just me, it's my life. But no, you and your life impact many other people, especially the other person that you're in the relationship with. And how that ends, that's going to implicate their entire future, but also their family, their friends, their work, they're, the people that rely on them and you; everybody's affected. So why not consult with a team of people while you're going through the learning-to-commit-to-somebody process. And I had, you know, a team of maybe four or five people that were really like checking in with me, making sure that I was okay and asking how I was doing and also checking out this woman and seeing, you know, like, they were forming their own opinions about this whole scenario. And I didn't have to listen to anybody. I'm an adult, I was an adult at the time. But I wanted to because I realized that up until that point, I had been in relationships. And guess what, none of them worked out. So why not try something different? Why not try something new and especially something that has a track record of working which is, you know, having this type of oversight, so I loved it. It wasn't always comfortable. Because you know, you don't always get to do what you want. Sometimes you have to acquiesce to the the knowledge and wisdom of somebody else. And it's not, you, like a little kid. It's like I want to eat chocolate for dinner. Well shut up and eat this broccoli, right? It's the same thing when you're going through this process. Dating is have dessert first, have dessert, second dessert, dessert dessert, and then you get sick. Then you can't eat dessert anymore. And that's how most relationships... But this is like, you know, eat a lot of broccoli first and when the time is right, when the situation, you know, presents itself, that's when dessert is available to you. But not until then. And I, it was, it was really a discipline that I had not ever developed, but I appreciate it like crazy. And that was, that was the foundation for me, having this almost 10-year marriage that I absolutely could not afford myself out of nothing. It needed to come from somewhere. So that was part of them, you know, the matching is different for everybody. But oversight is really, I think one of the main key ingredients to a successful matching, which is that you have somebody or a team of people working with you throughout the process and that you don't get too emotionally involved with somebody until you're ready to commit to that person. All right, so this I mean, this is a massive topic, and I hope we've given you a decent picture of what is the Blessing. We could honestly just do a podcast just about the Blessing. It's that deep of a conversation. We will revisit this topic, you know. We will revisit masturbation. We will revisit all these topics because we're dealing with massive, you know, centuries-old issues that cannot be addressed in 45 minutes or so. So we will come back and, and go deeper into this topic. But I hope that you have a better feel for what this is. And if you already know about the Blessing, I hope you have a stronger sense of how you can move ahead with clarity. So I hope this was helpful, as always Sammy has a bunch of noise in his background because of the Blessing. He had a little bit of sexual activity with his wife and they made a child and that child is presently screaming in the background. So I will just say thank you so much for listening. We love the fact that we're getting such a good response from the podcast. We ask that you get the courage to give us some feedback, give us a, give us a review. Love us up on social media, tell your friends about it. If you're getting value, chances are somebody else will too. We can't get to everybody ourselves. Part of this is sharing. And people will share videos about cats, but it's hard to share videos about pornography and difficult topics we know. But we ask that you have the courage to really share with other people to like, you know, especially on iTunes would help but wherever you got this, give us you know, a good review and share us and not for our sake, but for the sake of getting this message out into the world. So thank you so much for listening. We love you. Please let us know if you have any questions or comments and we'll get back to you very shortly. We're pretty good about that. Take care. God bless you.