#6 - The Five Virtues of High Noon
The Five Virtues of High Noon can virtually break anyone free from lacking integrity and other unwanted realities that stand in the way of being our true selves.
#1. Honesty - Telling the truth about yourself.
What is the cost of dishonesty?
#2. Grace - Being generous with love.
What is being in a dysfunctional relationship like?
#3. Integrity - Being in alignment with your inner voice with words and action.
What does it take to build integrity?
#4. Accountability - Creating a structure for your relationships.
What are the many benefits of accountability?
What are the costs of the lack of accountability?
#5. Courage - Small acts of living up to what you want to be.
A great analogy for this podcast.
Episode Transcript:
Andrew Love: Welcome back, everybody to another exciting episode.
Sammy Uyama: Hello.
Andrew Love: Hi. Hi. Hi, Andrew Love, speaking to you, as well as...
Sammy Uyama: Mr. Samuel Uyama I.
Andrew Love: Uyama lamma ding dong. And we are here to talk with you and for you about everything to do with sexual integrity. How to build sexual integrity. How to get rid of bad habits, build good habits. Anything to do with weaponizing you with heavenly weapons so that you can have an amazing life and a wonderful marriage and a family that inspires the crap out of you in the world. So I hope you have your seat belt on. And if you don't, a helmet. And if you don't, I just hope that you have an exoskeleton because today we're going to get into the five virtues. Yeah.
Sammy Uyama: If you don't have an exoskeleton, we're going to give you the exoskeleton of sexual integrity virtues here today.
Andrew Love: Yes, you will be more bulletproof than ever from all the snags and snares that engulf so many souls. And today, like, we want to talk about the virtues. How many virtues do we have, Sammy?
Sammy Uyama: One, two, three, four, five virtues to give you guys today.
Andrew Love: Five. New and improved, by the way, because it used to be four virtues. And then uncle David really added one that seals the deal, that makes it really powerful. And so, I okay, there's a billion virtues that you could, you could write. And what these things are basically, the ingredients to creating sexual integrity. It's like the ingredients that help you get out of the muck. Get out of the dirt, get out of the filth and get into the light. Build a life. And there's like five main components that we've identified that everybody who's gone through the process of going from being a slave to sex to being totally liberated, they've all had these elements. And of course, some had more of one than the other and other people have other virtues, sure. But these five main components are something that you can't really have sexual integrity without. So, five virtues to sexual integrity. I'll share with you. We'll go, we'll, we'll go over each of them briefly with you guys. Just kind of why we see that as important to have, and what having it provides for you and when not having a cost to you. Alright, so boom, five virtues boom. We have honesty, grace, integrity, accountability, and courage. And we think that these are the ingredients for a powerful life as a human being.
Andrew Love: Absolutely. And so yes, this applies absolutely to the area sexuality, but it applies to every area of your life. But if we don't have these virtues really applied to sexuality, it's going to create a cascade of negativity, like this effect throughout your entire existence. And so, Sammy, you brought up before the show that you know the name High Noon, you wanted to get into that a little bit ahead of time. And I think that's really apropos, as they say in France, because it's all about living a life out in the open, out in the sun and not you know, so what is that metaphor? Where did the name High Noon come from? So that we can explain why these virtues are so important? Yes, exactly. It's, it represents our ideal for life and how we live our lives, how we conduct our relationships. And that's study of when the sun is straight above you, it's you know, it's noon time, then there's no shadows anymore. You're in the open, there's nothing hidden. And that's exactly how we want to live our lives with sexual integrity and with all areas of our life. Just to know that there's nothing hidden. And what people see is what we are. And that's like real. That's, that's realness. That's what that is. And so then these, it's really interesting how these virtues were manifested. It wasn't like we had a brainstorming session like, alright, what are the virtues of High Noon? What's happened, you know, we've been giving lectures for years now going into universities, to schools to speaking with church communities. And as we're giving talks, this kind of just naturally developed that these were the things that the com... these were the components of what living a High Noon life looks like, and what it takes to live a High Noon life. And it just, they were, I think Andrew actually brought them to the table one day, and he's like, hey, what do you think about these? And everyone's like, yeah, that makes sense. (crosstalk)
Andrew Love: I remember. There's was a little bit of resistance because it was new, right? And it's like, do we want to declare these. But it, they're, they got past the filters pretty easily. Because, you know, living, living a High Noon life really means a certain quality of life that you don't hold back that why would you have anything to hide if you're extremely proud of every aspect of your life, right? And you don't want to go back. Like if you've ever lived in the High Noon, if you really get this metaphor and you've lived there, there's no going back. Living any other way is like hell. So to start to lie after you've been totally honest for many years is so painful. It's terrible, right? So these virtues were really to clarify what are, what are the pillars that hold up High Noon. Because a lot of times when we talk, it can be very abstract or esoteric and people don't notice necessarily know how they can take the information that we're giving to them and apply it directly into their lives. So we wanted to put more of a name to these, components, to these elements so that you can say, am I living this way? In my life? So, so the first one being honesty, like, am I being honest, in my sexual integrity? So, let's talk about honesty first, Sammy, let's go there.
Sammy Uyama: Right? So it's, this is kind of like ground zero. This is just where it begins. If you want to create a connection with someone, a trusting relationship, it's the first step, is telling the truth about yourself taking off the masks, or uncovering whatever's underneath that you've been hiding. You know, these are the things that especially that, you know, not not just like the, you know, there's, there's a difference between having like no filter and just vomiting your opinions on things versus sharing honestly of yourself with someone. And what that sharing looks like, it's especially in those areas where, you know, these are the things that I feel are the most unacceptable and unlovable about myself. These are the qualities that if other people saw, they would be shocked. They'd be disappointed, angry, etc.
Andrew Love: Absolutely. Those are the exact areas that you're most, it's most needed and necessary for you to feel acceptance and embrace. Yeah, yeah. So. so, imagine imagine prioritizing honesty, because we say honesty and I was like, yeah, yeah, I know honesty. It's like, pretty much the un-sexiest word that you could say is like, be honest, kids. Hey, kids, be (crosstalk). Yeah. You know, like, like a fireman coming to your school and be like, no kids, be honest. So we get that but what would your life look like if you did something that you're not proud of, you prioritize being honest with the people in your life that are impacted by that. Right? So let's say you stole something that you, that you tell the person you stole, or you tell somebody, hey, I still, like it gets it off your back so quickly, when it's a habit. Because the more that you accumulate dishonesty, the more it's this weight on your shoulders that just eats away at you. Right? So it's, it's the muscle. Another way of looking at these virtues are muscle groups. The muscle of honesty is like how to be well defined how to have that muscle really well defined is that it's, it's in every area of your life. And especially since we're dealing with sexuality, that's just totally honest with yourself, with God, and with the people in your life as a priority, as a top priority. So that's why it's at the top of the list. Right, fantastic. And Sammy, could you go into what, what is the cost of not being honest?
Sammy Uyama: Oh, like, man. Oh my goodness, what it'd cost. You just feel... okay, well I can, I can think about myself and when, and people that I've spoken to about this and I hear from their experience. I feel on edge when I'm always worried about like, oh getting caught or something. Getting found or you're getting found out. I feel guilty of course that oh, you know, this is not me, you know, I don't know. I know I'm not being fully honest. Especially I work for High Noon, which is this organization that's specifically talking about applying honesty in our lives and our relationships. And even if it's a little thing, like, like something a little embarrassing I keep from my wife, it just eats at me. And like, Andrew, what you're saying earlier is that when you go for years knowing what, like, honesty tastes like and it smells like; as soon as you you get a whiff of dishonesty and you you experience it, it just eats at you and it's immediately present.
Andrew Love: Yeah. So, like dishonesty and honesty, both radiate outwards. And so radiate, you know, in terms of people, but also radiates over time. So, like, if you're dishonest with one person about one thing, over time that compounds into like a barrier between you and that person where, you know, you have something that you're holding inside. And so we've seen this so much with porn, that when people have a secret life, that they, if they're withholding this information from their parents or from their spouse, it creates this wall that over time, gets bigger and bigger and you have less and less access to that person. And it's honesty, in the end, that causes that wall to crumble entirely. So that you can regain access to that person and to to the reality of the situation instead of avoidance, instead of lying and covering your, your shade or whatever. Covering your tracks, as they say, in the crime world, right? There's no, you cannot sustain a life of dishonesty. Everything is going to crumble around you, so why try? Why not just admit that you're not perfect. And so High Noon never espouses perfection. We never promote the idea of perfect. It's quite a destructive viewpoint that oh, I should be perfect. It's impossible as we want to be perfect, but instead, to strive for being honest. And when you, when you make a mistake that you just talk to the people, tell the people that it makes sense to talk, that doesn't mean broadcasting on, you know, social media every day of what you've done. But telling the people in your life that you care about and that care about you, hey, I've fell out a line but, but, but I want to get back on track; and they can help you.
Sammy Uyama: Absolutely. And so, there's the first step of being honest. And then where does grace come into that? I'm sure so many people, the thought on their mind is, you know, what if it's like okay, I get the value of it and the benefits of it, but man, that's so scary. What would I do if they respond? How you're saying, I'm afraid of them responding, like you said. They get upset or angry or disappointed. So how does grace play into this picture, Andrew?
Andrew Love: Well, this is a two way street, right? I always see it as really very two way because there's learning how to receive grace and then there's learning how to give grace. And you're blocking grace from happening when you don't tell people honestly what you're dealing with. So, in terms of like, receiving grace, it's, it's, you have to... in order for you to ever feel forgiven, you have to kind of confess. You have to get it off your chest and you have to tell somebody, this is, this is who I really have been, and I'm not proud of it, in order for them to say, well, that's not who you are. And, you know, that's how healing really happens is you have to remove all these shadows to the shade; these clouds that are blocking you from experiencing love. Because what you're doing when you hold on to it is you're just torturing yourself. I made a mistake. I'm a bad person. I'm a bad... nobody could ever love me. This is the voice that constantly taunts you until you talk to somebody and then you can put on a new track. You can listen to a new song because that person can say, hey, you're better than this. And then you can feel it. You can receive love and it's more than just words. It's like a deep, spiritual exchange of love. And acceptance can occur only when you first tell somebody and that lets grace come to you. And I'd like you to get into how it's like receiving grace and then given grace, you want to talk about giving grace?
Sammy Uyama: Giving Grace? Yes, this is so, so seems simple. But it's so difficult to do to always remember when someone is sharing something with you. Or, or even if someone does something you don't like or noise upsets you to have the mindset and to remember to be understanding of other people.
Andrew Love: Absolutely.
Sammy Uyama: So that's first off is that yes, this is probably one of the most... it's not like there's an easy part, process, or part of this process. But this one in particular is, is to have the humility to be generous to other people, and acceptance and forgiveness.
Andrew Love: That's a great word. So like, so grace in essence is being generous with love. Because our natural inclination when somebody gives us disappointing information, when somebody tells us that they've done something wrong, is to withhold love and to give them scorn instead of love. But in that moment, it's to give them love generously, even when it's hard for us, because that opens up the pathway for God to really heal and for love to flow.
Sammy Uyama: Absolutely. And I think probably the best way to, to talk about the value of this is what you're potentially giving someone by extending that grace generously. And that if you think about, if you reverse the positions, when you're in the place where you're sharing yourself, you're taking off your own mask, and you're really sharing honestly, with another person; what it would mean for you that that person looked you in the eye and said, wow, it must've been so scary to share that with me. Thank you so much. I appreciate it. And I love you.
Andrew Love: Oh my god. That's powerful.
Sammy Uyama: That's a life-changing experience and absolutely essential for every person to have that, at some point in their life, at least with somebody; one person. And so, by being generous in grace, you provide that opportunity for another person to experience that. And that is rock-your-world kind of relationship.
Andrew Love: Well, that's, it's, it's how people meet God because, you know, we need to experience God and nature and stuff like that. But we also desperately need to experience God through one another. And that's the main way is that that, you know, we empathize. And when somebody does come to you, like it's not easy to hear, especially when it involves you. If it's your spouse, or if it's your kids, then it's almost like hearing them say they've done something to themselves almost feels like a judgment on you like you've failed. And so there's all these emotions coursing through your body. And your inclination, a lot of times, is just to want to yell and say, "How could you? Don't you know any better?" But that is like, is like almost forcing them back into their cave. Because when somebody's in a place of self-torment and self-lamenting, you know, they're just saying negative things to themselves and by you, scorning them and, and, and yelling at them, and it just causes them to want to crawl back in their cave and never want to come back out. And when you do love them and embrace them, you don't have to embrace what they've done. But you just say, God bless you. Thank you for telling me this. That's awesome. Thank you. You must, yeah, like you said, it must have taken so much courage and you just embraced them. They say we're in this together. It will, it will show them that they are lovable and that they are something much bigger than the total sums of their mistakes.
Sammy Uyama: Amazing. So you're going into what are the costs of not extending grace to other people. And what about yourself? What's the cost of if you don't provide grace to yourself, Andrew?
Andrew Love: Yeah, you never get to know how powerful you are because there's two voices, right? I mean, the classic religious thing is like, God and Satan are good for us, evil for us. But there's, you can clearly tell that we tend to relive pain. And every time you relive it, like in your mind, your body experiences it and you're literally trapped in hell. Don't worry about what happens after you die. You can live in hell while you're alive. And we do that to ourselves a lot. And it's just this loop, going around and round, dragging our face through the mud, making ourselves, reminding ourselves of all of our mistakes and what all the things that we are and all the things we aren't. And when when we don't ask for forgiveness when we don't by confessing, by telling somebody, then we're, we're not allowing a new fresh air to pervade. So that like, feeling hope is accessible at any time just as accessible as feeling hatred for yourself. But we choose negative emotions more often than not because we don't, we're stuck in our head. And when we're stuck in our head, our heart gets stuck. And it causes us to like erode spiritually so it causes the water to remain still. So by bringing other people out and we'll make excuses all the time, we'll say oh, they'll hate me blah, blah, blah, blah. These are all just our ego. It's just like, the, the negative voice wanting us to stay a slave to our mistakes. But when we, when we allow ourselves permission to say, you know, to ask for forgiveness by telling somebody, we're we're experiencing a new air and the water starts to flow. again. So we're missing out on the opportunity of being reborn again. Once we stay stuck in the past we're absolutely stuck and you cannot break through by being stuck. And that's why the inclusion of other people, welcoming other people into your mind, into your heart, is fundamental to healing, into growth.
Sammy Uyama: I think another thing... so you... there's all this stuff you miss out on. And the other thing that it costs is that you're able to justify your misery when you are just caught up in what a wrong person you are and how you messed up. And so all this then, it becomes what you deserve. Missing out on all the good, all the good stuff, and then you just stay there. And then you, you justify and feel that that's what's supposed to happen. Oh, my God, that's so true.
Andrew Love: That's, yeah, becomes, it becomes your familiar friend. This, I always say it because it's so true. When I see somebody who's, especially with pornography, when they're stuck in this relationship with pornography, it's exactly the same as whenever I've seen anybody in an abusive relationship. And that's a parent and child, or that's husband or wife, when there's, when they're stuck in this abusive relationship. It's like you experience the worst. And then when you should run in the opposite direction, it lures you back in with the promise of it won't be like that, again, I promise it won't happen again. And porn does that to you. And, and you just you go back to it and you feel like garbage afterwards, but you keep on going back. And it's, just because it's familiar, at least it's predictable. It's not good, but at least it's predictable. And for a lot of people, the predictability of pain, the familiarity is more comfortable than the fear of the unknown. And so they'll, they'll choose pain over pleasure. Because pleasure involves them breaking free of what everything they know, right? Because you don't know how somebody is going to react when you tell them. So that's an unknown. And that fear can cause people to say, Well, yeah, like you said, I'll romanticize my misery and just stay, stay in this beautiful hell that I've created for myself.
Sammy Uyama: So what about integrity? How does this play into the picture, Andrew?
Andrew Love: Now, this is a great piece of business integrity, because it's one of the really measurable traits that we talked about One of these virtues that is really, you know, you have it or you don't. You can kind of have more of it or less of it. But it's like, you know, when two things become one, when your word and your actions become one, then you're a person of integrity. And so it starts with yourself first. A lot of people they're living in total utter chaos. They don't know how, how they think or feel. They're just constantly reacting. They don't know where they want to go or what they want to do. But having integrity is putting something substantial on the table and saying, this is the person I want to be. This is what I want to do. And then when you start doing it, it's so incredibly empowering, right? So, a good example is like fitness. When you say, okay, I'm going to start eating these foods and I'm going to stop eating those foods. And we're going to start going to the gym. When you stick to that plan, you feel tremendous. When you, when you stray, when you give up on yourself, you feel increasingly more like garbage until you just kind of give up and then you just settle for, you know, whatever, being not not as healthy as you could be. You just make justifications right? In terms of sexual integrity,iIt's really like defining the terms by which you want to live and say I don't want point to be a part of my life, and then choosing for it not to be a part of your life and then choosing what are you going to do with your time and energy and your sexual energy and doing that with it. And that's an amazing way to live. Right? I'd like for you to go into the cost. And then I'd like for us to talk about what it's like because you and I have been out of integrity at some point in our life. And now we're living in integrity and like, what the vast differences. But I'd love for you to hear what, what, what would it be like to, what's the cost of like living out of integrity?
Sammy Uyama: It's you're never gonna achieve and accomplish just about anything in your life? I'd imagine it. There's no, there's no basis for attempting anything or to have anyone believe anything that you say. It's like integrity. It's... and so the beginning place of integrity... Andrew alluded to it - is what you say. And so you create something that you like, basically a promise. You say, okay, this is like what I wanted to. And integrity is aligning your word with your actions. And it's not always about like keeping all of your promises and keeping your word at all times, because that's impossible. And we don't, we, you know, things happen. But we can always honor the things that we say and give our words weight. And then they actually mean something. So when you make a promise, and you say, you know, I'm going to do this, and you don't, that you can acknowledge that and say, hey, I actually said I was going to do this, but I didn't. And then, you know, here's the impact of that. And, and I also want to go into like, you know, what integrity gives you? Yes. So the cost, right? The cost is that you have no power in your life. It's the so, I guess, the contrast, what you get when you relate with yourself as someone whose word is meaningful and has weight, then what you say has so much, has so much, it's so much more profound. Profundity? Is that a word? What you said so? Oh, God, go, Sammy. So what you say is, for example, when you say, okay, I'll do this. And it's like you're reshaping your world based on the words that you say. And you become the owner of your life. Because you realize that the thoughts and then you can create what it is that you want, by saying something and then living in accord with that. And so the cost is when you don't have integrity, you live at the whim of other people. And you don't have any ownership of your life. Because you can't even trust in your own commitments and your own, your own resolve for, more for yourself.
Andrew Love: Absolutely. And I gotta say that, like, we meet, we meet people in this state constantly. To put, to put a face to what Sam is talking about is, you know, seeing, looking somebody in the eye who feels utterly defeated. They don't feel hope because they feel like, Listen, I've tried to overcome pornography and I simply can't, I can't write. And when you see somebody in the state, it's really sad because they have no access to the deep powers that they have, by birth, because they're a child of God. They have no, they don't believe that for a second. Because they've been telling themselves through their actions for so long that they have no power. Because when they say something, they can't live up to it. And so if you do that enough times, you really lose hope and faith in yourself. And when you lose hope and faith in yourself, it's really almost, in my opinion, it's impossible to believe in anything. Because we're, the one thing that we're, that we're the starting point of our faith, right? We're the, we're the first manifestation of our faith. So if you, if we can't do you know, the things that we say, then how can we really deeply, deeply; I'm saying deeply believe that things are going to be better tomorrow, for us or for anybody. And so that's, that's really the cost is losing life. You lose your life and slowly it slips through your fingers, and you adopt somebody else's life, you adopt the life of your lower self instead of, instead of the potential self that you could be, right? Because conversely, we've seen many people go through this metamorphosis, where they reclaim their integrity, they take it and they say, I'm going to, I'm going to reclaim my life. And little by little, they start living up to the person they claim to be. They say I am, I'm going to not do this. I'm not going to go back to pornography. And every time they choose to not, then they grow stronger. And every time they say I'm going to replace that with going to the gym or I'm going to invest in my relationship with my spouse, whatever; every time they invest in a positive way, they're becoming more and more godlike, more and more powerful. And it's something really to be hold. It's so beautiful.
Sammy Uyama: Fantastic. Is there anything more to say about integrity?
Andrew Love: Well, you touched on it briefly. But like the, the, the idea that your words do have clear value to yourself, to other people in your life and to even God, is that when you say something, do you believe it? Do you know all this is going to get done? Because I said so? Or do you say things and then you doubt them? And then you kind of question them, and then you forget about what you said, and then you just give up on it. And then a good measure of that is seeing do people around you believe when you say you're going to do something that you're going to do it? Do they really believe it? And when you make a promise to God, when you're praying in the deepest part of your heart, does God really believe that you're going to do it, right? And so when you're totally confident and you know that you're going to do it because you said so, that's when you are a force to be reckoned with. And that's when your word has substantial value in this world.
Sammy Uyama: Absolutely. And it's, and it starts... you set the metric. You say, "This is what I want to do," then it's measurable. And so, and you know, it's that's this is very grandiose, and it can be grandiose, I mean. And so the reality is that we're not always gonna live up to what we promise, right? And we can, especially echo it sexually. Like okay, I'm gonna stop looking at porn. You're likely gonna have relapses along the way. And so what we can do is, we can say, hey, I said, I'm, no, I'm gonna, I'm not going to be someone who looks at porn anymore. And I looked at porn. And so you can acknowledge that and then maybe, you know, adjust yourself, you know. What do I need to do to be someone that could keep that promise?
Andrew Love: Absolutely. So it like, it really feels in the beginning. Say you're out of integrity, you're totally lacking in integrity. To start building integrity feels like you're swimming upstream, right? And so in that, in that, in that situation what you really need to do is to hold on to somebody who has strength or to be with a team of people. I saw a group of salmon swimming upstream this past spring, and they were taking rest but a lot of them were kind of working together, you know, and finding ways up the stream because it was like life or death for them. But conversely, when you start to build integrity, you're going downstream and it becomes much more natural to go the right path and and yes, like you said, you might make a slip. You might have a slip up. You might have a bad day or whatever. But that's like you just going to the side of the stream you can always hop back on because your momentum, all of your invested time and energy is, is, is propelling you forward.
Sammy Uyama: I'm just stuck here, thinking where in the world where are you that you're watching salmon swimming upstream...
Andrew Love: Actually in Toronto. It was city, city salmon. Nobody would dare eat them. But it's like they, it's this annual thing with my sons. It was kind of sad because a lot of them didn't make it. Only the strong survive
Sammy Uyama: And so yeah, like you mentioned that point of rolling with people that have this muscle, right? Because you have to develop it and starting small and little by little building up your confidence in yourself as someone that can keep your promises. And this is what we really emphasize so strongly at High Noon. And one of the things we're most proud of is that we really prioritize keeping the promises that we say and honoring what we commit to other people. And with this podcast if we say we're gonna publish, we haven't said when we're going to publish yet, or how frequently. But that's something that you can count on, and up until now, the years that we've been in business, we've been... High Noon has existed, we have a stellar reputation for starting things on time. And that's something we're very proud of these events. Like when people come to hear us speak, we start on the dot, regardless of how many people are late. Internally, our meetings, we start on time, and it allows everything just to function. There's something people rely on that, you know, they don't have that thought in the back of their mind. Like, oh, it's gonna, the thing is gonna start 15 minutes late anyway. It's like, they know oh, I know it's starting on the dot. I gotta, I gotta hustle my butt and get over there.
Andrew Love: Yeah, ain't nobody buying a watch that's right half the time, you know? Nobody. You want the watch right all the time. And we want friends that are there for us all the time when we need them. Right? And we want, we want spouses, we want, we want just a life filled with people who are really keeping the promise. Otherwise, you're, you're bound to lead a life of disappointment. And so we're talking about people. So I'd like to get into accountability, which is the next.
Sammy Uyama: This is where...
Andrew Love: This used to be... this used to be the last virtue, by the way. And then courage got added to the list.
Sammy Uyama: So accountability: this is where the rubber meets the road, where you have an exciting dream or vision for what you want. And you say, Okay, I'm going to do this. And this is where you create a structure for yourself. You bring people into your life that's going to allow you to actually follow through on that. And this is actually the secret of being a good promise keeper is not that you just keep your promises because you keep your promises and then you remember everything. But that people who have integrity, they're really good at putting systems and structures in place in their life that allow them to keep those promises. It's reminders on your phone. That's a component of accountability. I think it's specific accountability. We're talking about his relationships.
Andrew Love: So this is, there's some secret sauce in, in accountability. And, you know, it's good to have as much technology as you can. That makes sense. Yeah, like Sammy said, notifications and being accountable to yourself is really important, but learning how to express clearly your desired goals and dreams and the things of your heart. And the clearest way possible to another human being has a great deal of magic in it. Because firstly, you're learning how to express the longings of your heart in clear ways. Because if you express a goal to somebody or desire to somebody, they say I want to do this, but it doesn't make sense then. The reason it doesn't make sense to them is because actually, you don't understand it. So learning how to think clearly about what it is that you actually want, and then learning how to set parameters so that you can figure out whether you did it or not the thing that you said, there's a lot of value just in formulating what it is that you want. But the second part is learning how to involve somebody continually in your growth process. Because what you're doing is, you're a lot like, if you fail to do something that you want to do, let's say, waking up on time, I am going to wake up at 6am. And then you didn't? Telling that person is, is like speaking to God and saying, I'm sorry, I didn't live up to my end of the bargain. And there's going to be a huge desire to not want to tell them to justify, oh I'll, tell them later. Or it doesn't matter, you know. But then that's really your internal development occurring. And if you can continually reach out to that person and let them know when you made mistakes. But also when you did achieve the things he did, learning how to celebrate as well, what you're doing is you're expediting the growth process drastically. Because we can't, we are always prone to be easy on ourselves or to justify ourselves. But when we're with somebody else, they don't have to yell at us. They don't have to tell us anything. They just have to ask, Well, how do you feel about that? Like, are you still, do you still want the thing that you said you want? And then if you say yes, you're like, well, then why, why, why didn't you do the thing you said you're going to do? And then you have to look in to yourself, but it's only through a relationship that all of this is is revealed ,is put on the table. You can't sort this out by yourself, you really can't.
Sammy Uyama: And so, accountability, what that offers is, Andrew was talking about the disease of perfectionism and how we try to stay away from that inclination to want to be perfect. And that's exactly what accountability offers, is it innately accepts the imperfection of each of us and allows the space for to, you know, you're regularly checking in with someone, you know, how are you doing, how you doing, and allows for the fluctuations of life. And you know, there are times when we're doing great and it's really easy to, to share with someone about updates on how you're doing. But then, no matter you know, how long you've been doing well, in a certain area, there are times when you're in a funk and you don't feel like waking up or, or you know, you just feel really down for whatever reason, so being able to share yourselves and those moments as well. Because we're, it's, we're so, so innately driven to avoid looking poorly in any way. And having other people see us and anything but the best light. Yeah, and so finding that instant, you know, that, that pole for that in order to start to consecutively or to, in order to consistently share yourself as you really are honestly, then that's what this kind of relationship of accountability can provide.
Andrew Love: It keeps you moving forward because you constantly have to decide, do I want this or not? And that's, that's your involvement in the relationship with the goal. Your relationship with the goal, I guess, is manifested in your relationship with the person who's keeping you accountable to that goal. So in the area of sexual integrity, it's really learning how to express well what type of life do you want, and what type of habits must you eliminate in order to attain that life and constantly checking in for sexual integrity. We, you know, it should be like a daily thing. Ideally, some people do weekly accountability, but it really, if you really want to grow fast, daily accountability. That means constant reviewing of yourself and reporting to somebody else. This is what I did. And this is what I didn't do. Because in that process, you're looking at yourself much more clearly. You see your habits, you see yourself from a more kind of bird's eye view from above. You see yourself based on habits, not through your feelings and your thoughts. And so that is extremely sobering because though you may think something or feel something, what you do may differ from that and accountability gives you that perspective.
Sammy Uyama: So the cost of not bringing accountability into your life is that it sets yourself up to lose for one, but then also, it takes away this opportunity to have this relationship with someone where you can practice this kind of honesty and grace relationship.
Andrew Love: And I just want to say that it probably takes a lot of courage to ask somebody to be your accountability partner. It takes a lot of courage to confess when when you've made a mistake or or, I don't know. I know some people are turned off by the word confess, but to admit that you are not perfect to another person. It takes, you know, and that's why we actually added courage on in at the end at the request of uncle David because...
Sammy Uyama: It just makes sense. It's, it's...
Andrew Love: Yeah.
Sammy Uyama: It is the ingredient needed in order to do everything.
Andrew Love: Absolutely. If these - honesty, grace, integrity and accountability were the main ingredients of the soup, courage is like the water; it's the base. Because it lets everything else flow. Because you cannot be honest if you don't have courage. It takes, honesty takes a heroic amount of courage, actually. Grace; to give yourself grace actually takes a lot of courage, because we, we, the weak part of ourselves, just wants to familiar, familiarize ourselves with pain and suffering. It takes courage to choose another path and to give somebody courage. You know, grace takes a lot of courage because we want to judge them but to give them love instead is, is, takes a lot. And integrity, accountability, everything takes courage. So let's get into courage semi a little bit.
Sammy Uyama: That's pretty simple for me.
Andrew Love: Well, I just want to say that like, you know, I wrote a blog about this for high noon, which you can find on our website. And it's we usually think that courage is allotted for acts of, of heroic. Yeah, I don't know like you're a gladiator, you're a superhero. It's like these grand acts of courage is what we, how we normally see and, and personify courage. But really, what courage really is, is its small acts of living up to the person you want to be. And that will always take courage because, again, if you make a mistake to say, I made a mistake, instead of trying to hide it and cover it up takes a whole lot of courage. And think about politics nowadays. It's like, it's immediately lie first and hope that people won't find out, which now everybody does, right? But everybody's tendency in the public spotlight is to lie first and it's the exact opposite of courage. So, to live, to live a life of courage is to not reserve courage. To save a cat from a tree or to do some like bungee jumping in that, that's obviously courageous. But so, too is choosing the path of loving yourself. Of, of listening to somebody of, you know, having, stepping away from your phone when your phone is saying, look at me. There's porn on me. Come and get me and you push it away. That's an act of courage. And so this is really important to note because in your journey, as you're building sexual integrity, you have to identify your shortcomings. But you also have to identify your virtues where you're strong and double down, invest in your virtues because you are a lot more courageous than you give yourself credit for. And the moment you start to realize how powerful and courageous you are, the second you start to reclaim your life and understand that you are because you were born a child of God, you are already amazing. But you just don't feel it because you haven't been living up to it. And so the first thing is understanding that courage is many small acts throughout the day. That's the courage that matters. The other stuff obviously helps and it's great for a photoshoot and for Instagram. But it's the little acts that make a life of courage and it's what causes you to have a High Noon life.
Sammy Uyama: Thank you. So, I like to recap, and frame how these virtues they work together in my mind at least. And that's honesty and grace. It's the foundation for experiencing unreal, unconditional love down into your, like your bones, that you just know it to be true. And that you tell the truth about yourself and then you're received and acknowledged for that. That's, yeah, that's the beginning. Without that you're always gonna feel like you're starving or that you're grasping to breathe. You, there's no, that's the oxygen; that is essential. But then, you know, that's, that's not enough in and of itself. That's a life-changing experience, but our integrity, accountability, that is the infrastructure for growth and clarifying where I am now and where I want to be, and paving what's the path that's going to allow us to get there. There and putting infrastructure into place for ourselves to grow. Because that growth is essential as well. It's not enough just to feel great about our relationships and to dwell on that. And then courage. It's like Andrew said, it's the base, the water that allows all of these things to mix together and create an amazing life. And this podcast would be the fire underneath the pot that's allowing it to boil and to become delicious.
Andrew Love: Oh, man. Fire! So yeah, this is, this is us. You know, this is what drives High Noon. When, when we go around and give our talks around the world now. We're always leaving people with this as an action step. And there are different ways that you can manifest these virtues. We have them all on our website. We recommend that you find accountability. We have a whole program to help you find accountability. If you don't, if you can't find it yourself. Even how to, in terms of giving grace, you can learn how to be an accountability partner. There's a lot of different tools that we've created to help you manifest these virtues. Because if you're not, you're missing out on the three dimensions of reality. So please check out our website and understand that what drives us is not eliminating porn from the face of the earth. Porn will naturally just evaporate when we start becoming true people, the people that we're destined to be, and that's when we start living in the High Noon, creating High Noon, lives in High Noon families, and a High Noon culture. Porn will just naturally just disappear and go back to the sewer and go back to the doldrums of humanity and eventually just totally go away. But we're not chasing it out with pitchforks. We're letting it die. Die the death that it deserves, which is not acknowledging it anymore because we're feeding it with every minute of our attention. And the moment we take our attention away, it goes away.
Sammy Uyama: Because we want, we want something way better than what porn can offer. That's what we want to focus on. There you go.
Andrew Love: So it's been real, everybody, we thank you so much for listening. We hope you got a lot out of this. There's a ton more content on our website. Please reach out to us if you need anything at all. We want to support you on your journey. If you have ideas for other things we can talk about or questions that you have, we'd love to do questions. So loads, Q and A's, you know, all sorts of stuff. We can do anything. But we need your feedback. So we've noticed, Sammy and I noticed, that a lot of people listen to our content, they watch, they read our blogs, they watch our videos, but they don't always comment. Because there's fear. There's fear involved in being associated because maybe it might implicate you. Or you feel like oh, then my friends will know that, that I acknowledged High Noon. Don't worry, do not worry. Give us your feedback. And we will grow. If you value this, we need your feedback. So be courageous. And leave us a like, leave us a good review and let us know what you think.
Sammy Uyama: highnoon.org. That's where you can find more info that Andrew is alluding to. And yeah, leave us a review of this podcast. Let us know how we're doing. Subscribe with all that podcast stuff that people always say to do. We appreciate all of it. Thank you very much. Thank you, guys.
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